One Year Later

One year ago today we had to say goodbye to our sweet dog, Murphy. He had been fighting a cancer of the bone that was slowly destroying his shoulder, leaving him in a lot of pain and unable to run or play freely. It was one of the hardest days that I have ever experienced and not one I expect I will forget.

Losing Murphy was so much harder than I had expected. Don't get me wrong, I knew that I loved my dog. I just didn't even realize how big a part of my life he was. We got Murphy almost eight months after we moved to Murfreesboro. He had been part of our life for six years. It seems like such a short amount of time to mark the entirety of his existence, but those six years were so full of very special memories. He was a constant fixture in our story, a white and black blur that pops up in home videos and pictures and stories that make us smile.

After he was gone I thought my heart was physically breaking within my chest. I remember so many nights I stood in the shower letting the sound of the water mask the sound of my crying. I would walk through the house and instinctively peek out the window looking for him. He belonged out there underneath the pecan tree, barking at some squirrel. I would open the back door and listen for the sound of his toenails on the driveway as he would come around the corner. Sometimes I would swear that I saw him from the corner of my eye. I would pull in the driveway and slow down, looking for that wagging tail to lead me to my spot. Even now I can still feel the curve of his soft head under my hand, see his big goofy tongue lolling about.

 The pain gets easier with time. Moving to Illinois probably helped; I don't expect him to be here. It's hard though, knowing there is this whole new chapter of your life that he isn't a part of. A whole new group of people in your life that didn't have the privilege of knowing your crazy dog. It still hits me from time to time and I find myself crying, but those days are much fewer and farther between. Mostly I smile, when he pops up unexpectedly in some pictures or Josh and I think of some silly story that begins, "Remember that time Murphy... "

So in case you are one of those new people in my life, we used to have a dog. His name was Murphy. He had the softest fur and the best tail wag. It would bend his body almost in half with his excitement. He loved to run, chase squirrels, eat french fries from McDonalds and to have his belly rubbed. He was a rascal. And we loved him as best we knew how.

Catching Up is Hard to Do

There reaches a point when you're keeping a journal or a diary or, as it turns out, a blog that you are so far behind you don't even want to try to catch up. It's the reason why I have boxes of old journals from my childhood, most of them half-full as I eventually got so far behind I gave up and started over. The difference is with a journal you can go out and buy a pretty new journal with fresh, crisp pages and begin again. It's not quite as easy with a blog. So here I am, going to do my best to sum up what has happened over the last two, er, almost three months in our lives.

The big thing I missed... Christmas! *gasp* How could I? I know my parents certainly noticed, because they were the ones who spent Christmas with us this year and I didn't even mention it. What kind of daughter am I? The truth is we had a wonderful first Christmas here in Illinois. Christmas morning was pure chaos. It turns out that when you combine Christmases with all of your family into one big gift opening on Christmas morning, it is like a marathon event and takes HOURS. Which is difficult when Christmas also falls on Sunday and you have church. Nevertheless we opened presents, getting thoroughly spoiled, and made it to the church on time.

Church was very special for me, not just because it was unique to get to be in church on Christmas morning but because of the role my family played. My Mom played the piano and my Dad led worship on Christmas morning, filling in for church staff who were out of town. Combined with Josh's teaching my heart felt full as I celebrated the birth of our Savior with my family.

After church we went and had a surprisingly delicious lunch at Ihop and then hit the road. Josh and I surprised the boys for Christmas with a trip to Great Wolf Lodge in the Wisconsin Dells. It was a blast. It started when we stopped at the welcome center in Illinois to about six inches of snow on the ground. We spent two days swimming and playing and having a great time while it snowed outside. If you've never been, I highly recommend it. My boys are not swimmers and they are not tall enough for the big slides but they never got bored and never ran out of things to do. Having Mom and Dad there meant we were also able to do a few of the grown-up rides, which was nice. Everyone slept hard and the boys have already asked when we can go back.

That pretty much sums up Christmas. The truth is when I think back on January the only things I can think of are 1. I don't think I ever saw the sun, and 2. Sickness. January was cold but not too cold and didn't have the snow I was kind of expecting. But it was certainly gray and dark. And full of germs, apparently, because in one night Clark and Lance both came down with a stomach virus. It was a LONG night with lots of throwing up, lots of sheets being changed, and not a lot of sleep. It lasted for a good twenty-four hours and it took days before the laundry had all been done and the house felt sanitized. I thought we had it beat but the next week I got it. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It was awful. That's all I am going to say.

So far in February we have gotten a little bit of snow, which was fun, and also had temperatures up in the 60's and 70's for a few days, which is deceiving me into thinking it is time for Spring. We've enjoyed playing outside and taking advantage of the warmer days. The biggest thing you should know is that my children have gone to the Dark Side. It's been nothing but Star Wars lately, and I have had a lot to learn in a short amount of time.

So, how have YOU been?

Resolutions

Does anybody make New Year's Resolutions anymore? It seems like the idea has become something of a cliche, a chance to poke fun at goals that you make knowing it will never happen. I personally like the idea. I love goals and to-do lists. I especially love the idea of a fresh start, a new year full of possibilities. The chance that the year might become something more than I imagined. That this might be the year I accomplish the things I think about but never actually believe I can do.

Last year one of my resolutions was to read my Bible every day. I decided to follow a plan to read my Bible through in one year. This is something I have started so many times in my life but that I cannot recall ever actually completing. I resolved that this year would be different.

Well, that didn't happen. 

I find that the best time for me to read my Bible is before bed. During the day there just isn't much time when I can read, particularly without being interrupted. When I'm reading my Bible I prefer to do it at a time when it is quiet and I can focus. Plus, reading my Bible before bed seems to put me in a good frame of mind to fall asleep. The only problem with this is that some nights I am so tired I cannot stay awake to read. This has happened on several occasions. I also lost some time during the move process earlier this year. It was just hectic. I also spent several weeks this summer and again this fall in a women's Bible study so there were days when I would be doing a different study than my Bible reading plan. All of these factors meant that as I neared the end of the year I was too far behind on the plan to ever catch up. I was not going to be able to finish reading through the Bible in 2016.

As I thought about it, though, I realized that for probably the first time I was not disappointed in myself. How many times have we made resolutions, failed to maintain them for more than a few weeks, and felt disappointed in ourselves? It can make you feel like a failure. Like you are incapable of discipline. Willpower. Self-control. Whatever it is that you need to accomplish your goals. I think that's probably why so many people don't even bother to make resolutions in the first place. I have felt that way. Which is why I was surprised that I didn't feel disappointed in myself when I looked at my reading plan and saw the unchecked boxes, a visual reminder that I had not completed my goal.

The more I thought about it, I realized that God had been teaching me something this year, and not just through the words on the pages. He was using the process itself. It would have been easy for me at any point to say, "Well, I messed up. I didn't read my Bible today. That resolution is ruined." But I didn't. I kept reading - sometimes doubling up my days to catch up. I could have realized, "There is no way I can finish this plan this year. I'm not going to be able to finish. Why keep going?" But I didn't. I kept reading.

God was teaching me how to show myself some grace.

We are all imperfect people. There is no way we are going to be able to do everything the way we plan. Whatever your resolutions may be, whether it's to read your Bible each day, to lose weight, to give up smoking, to be more patient with your children, whatever it may be you are inevitably going to have days when you fail. Sometimes miserably. When you're too tired to read one day. When you give in to a craving for a cheeseburger or skip your workout to watch TV. When your children push all the right buttons and you find yourself yelling. Again. What matters though is not that you failed. What matters is what you do with that failure. Do you allow it to beat you? To defeat you? Do you throw in the towel and give up? That has been my mentality too many times to count.

There is a quote that I love from the story Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery. In it Ms. Stacy says, "Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it." I love that idea. It's like your own personal New Year, each and every day. You can get up and try again. Yesterday's failings are in the past. How are you going to do this day?

I learned some of this mentality this year without even realizing it. Now when I look at my Bible reading plan I do not see that I am three months behind. I see that this year I have read three-quarters of the Bible. That's amazing! I'm reading books that I have not read regularly and growing in my understanding of the Bible as a complete story. When I have days that I am too tired to read, I show myself some grace and pick up again the next day where I left off. I AM going to finish reading the Bible through this year.

I hope that this can be an encouragement to you. Don't be afraid to set goals for yourself. And don't be afraid to fail. It's going to happen at some point. Resolve ahead of time that you will not let those failures define you. That you'll be prepared for them - and that you will keep moving forward, each new day at a time.

Visit from the Parsons

I think I posted earlier that we went into the holiday season thinking we would not be seeing any of our family, but that our plans ended up changing. When the Parsons asked if they could come and visit sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas we were thrilled. We had not seen "Grandma and Tractor Man" since they came to see us in July and we missed them!

They flew to Illinois this time, which meant that instead of a two day drive they left Virginia and arrived in Illinois by 10:30am. They were tired from the early flight but agreed that it was the better way to travel. The boys loved getting to go to the airport to pick them up, although there was a little bit of confusion when we explained that we would not actually be going on an airplane. Lance wants to know when he gets to fly.

Having the Parsons here was a wonderful way to kick off the Christmas season. We enjoyed doing some festive things like decorating sugar cookies, looking at Christmas lights downtown, and watching Christmas movies. One of the things that they wanted to do while they were here was do their Christmas shopping for our family so we spent some time shopping. It was pretty funny to walk through Toys R Us with the boys pointing out everything and their grandparents behind them sneaking toys into the shopping cart. I don't think Lance realized what was going on, but clearly he knew who he was shopping with because at one point he just started tossing things into the cart. I had a chance to go shopping with just Pam and I told her that was just as much my present as anything she could buy me. The chance to go shopping and take my time and look at whatever I wanted without worrying about the boys was incredibly relaxing. Plus, I loved the "girl time"  and the chance just to talk and catch up. It was so much fun!

While they were here we did take the boys to go and see Santa Claus at the mall. This was our first time attempting something like this so I was worried about how it was going to go down. Lance tends to be very shy - and very stubborn. He seemed to pick up on the importance of telling Santa what he wanted though. Clark was well prepared and so Lance followed suit. They were so sweet talking to him and we even got what I think was a perfect picture of my boys.

The Parsons also gave Josh and I a gift - the chance to go on a date. We haven't been able to do that in months. We went out to dinner and then saw Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. It was a great movie, even if the heat went out in the theater and we had to watch it wearing our coats and gloves. Why? Because it is ridiculously cold in Illinois, as I have quickly learned. The Parsons were here to experience our first Illinois snow - on December 3rd. I mean seriously, it wasn't even winter yet. It was beautiful though. The one thing that may get us through is that for us snow is still so much of a novelty. The boys and I love to go out and play in it, and luckily we don't usually have to go anywhere so I don't have to worry about driving in it.

The visit ended way too quickly, as it always does, but we had a wonderful time with Pam and John. We can't wait until our next visit, but after the weather they experienced I'm thinking they may not be back up our way until Spring.

Being Frederick

The boys have a book that a sweet friend, Mrs. Starr, gave them called Frederick. It's the story of a mouse named Frederick who, while his family of mice is busy gathering food for the winter, seems to sit idly by. When asked about his behavior Frederick says that he is collecting. He collects things like the warmth of the sun and the colors of summer for the cold, gray winter days.

I adopted a mentality much like Frederick's this fall in Illinois. Frankly I think it's because I am scared of what may be coming as fall progresses to our first winter here in the Midwest. We have made the most of getting outside and enjoying the mild weather in October and November. Every chance I could I took the boys outside. We went to different playgrounds and we played in the yard and we went for bike rides and walks. I wanted the boys to soak up as much time outside, as much fresh air and sunshine, as they could. While they could. It was beautiful.

It was also a good idea, because winter has not even arrived yet and we have already experienced our first Illinois snow. On December 4th the forecast called for possible snow showers. By lunch time there was enough snow outside it would have shut down the town back in North Carolina. It was absolutely beautiful though, big fat snow flakes that turned the world soft and silent like a winter wonderland. There was a lot of excitement because of the snow.

Since then, however, I can't recall a day when the temperature has gotten out of the thirties. The temperatures I see when I check the forecast are absolutely crazy to me. Highs in the low twenties. Lows in the single digits. Snowflakes popping up randomly here and there. It's just a different lifestyle up here. The cold weather and snow don't stop life from continuing on and I guess we will learn how to adapt. For now we are bundling up and enjoying the Christmas season. There's something that warms you deep inside when you see the lights on the Christmas tree, stockings hung by the fire, candles filling your house with the smell of peppermint. And then there's always hot chocolate. Lots and lots of hot chocolate. 

Thanksgiving

We went into this holiday season thinking we would be spending it just the four of us. We knew we would not be able to make a trip home, and at the time none of our family had made any plans to come out here. I am so glad that things changed. When Josh's cousin Jessica contacted us and asked if they could come down for Thanksgiving we were thrilled! Their family is currently stationed up near Chicago and, like us, have no family close by. We jumped at the chance to have them stay with us.

Anyone with little children knows that traveling with them - or having company with them - can have its own set of challenges. Jessica and her husband, Przemek, have an eighteen month old little boy named Gabriel so we went into the weekend knowing we'd just see how everything went. I'm so glad to say it all went wonderfully. The boys all had fun playing together - goodness knows we had plenty of toys to go around! Jessica and Przemek made themselves right at home so we could just relax and enjoy visiting.

Thanksgiving dinner was absolutely delicious. I can only take credit for the pies (you know I love my desserts!) and the rolls. In all else I was simply Josh's sous chef, an extra set of hands. Boy was it good. In addition to having Jessica and her family over we also enjoyed sharing dinner with a gentleman from our church who did not have other plans. We had great conversation and Josh and Jessica even got to Facetime their family back in Virginia who were celebrating Thanksgiving together.

The rest of the trip was just spent being together. Visiting, showing them our new church, exploring Springfield, and lots of good eating. It was great, and we hope that one day soon we can go up to Chicago and let them show us around.

We have so much to be thankful for this year. God has provided for us in so many different ways. I am particularly thankful for the new friends that God has brought into our lives and for how they have loved and embraced our family.

Halloween

I have been wanting to post to share some fun Halloween pictures with everyone, but it's hard to find a minute to sit down and post. I'm doing so now and looking at the date on the computer thinking that can't be right. Wasn't Halloween just on Monday? How are we already halfway through November?

We had a wonderful first Halloween here in Illinois. Our festivities kicked off a little early as the boys were allowed to wear costumes to a Halloween themed story time at the library. We decided to wear our Batman and Superman costumes from last year just in case they got messed up. I love the attention the boys get when they dress like super heroes. Everyone kept telling me I was well protected - and they were right.

On Saturday we carved our jack-o-lanterns. Clark and I made a fun Frankenstein and Lance and Daddy made a ghost that said "Boo". I thought they turned out great, especially considering my serious lack of creative ability.

On Sunday our church, Western Oaks, hosted a Fall Fest. We had a blast! We had hot dogs and chips to eat plus popcorn and cotton candy machines. I think our family alone made four trips to the cotton candy machine. There were cars so the kids could go trunk-or-treating and I was seriously impressed with how they were decorated. I'm only now realizing I should have taken some pictures of them! Most of the cars had games where the kids could win fun prizes. Plus there were bounce houses and other activities for the kids to play. It was so much fun to spend that time with our church family plus some new friends that dropped by.

The Fall Fest was where the boys first debuted their costumes for this year. Clark went as Revvit and Lance went as Ty Rux from the Netflix series Dino Trux. They were seriously adorable. Plus there aren't as many people who are familiar with the show so we never saw anyone else dressed like them. 

Halloween night we were able to trick or treat in our neighborhood. There were a lot of people who participated, which was great. It was nice to get to see some of our neighbors and also see so many kids out and about having a good time. The weather was perfect for walking around and the boys got SO much candy. Even with my sweet tooth we have a jar full of candy still sitting on the kitchen counter.

So that was our Halloween! It was a fun way to kick off the holiday season and we are looking forward to all of the festivities in November and December!