Last year one of my resolutions was to read my Bible every day. I decided to follow a plan to read my Bible through in one year. This is something I have started so many times in my life but that I cannot recall ever actually completing. I resolved that this year would be different.
Well, that didn't happen.
I find that the best time for me to read my Bible is before bed. During the day there just isn't much time when I can read, particularly without being interrupted. When I'm reading my Bible I prefer to do it at a time when it is quiet and I can focus. Plus, reading my Bible before bed seems to put me in a good frame of mind to fall asleep. The only problem with this is that some nights I am so tired I cannot stay awake to read. This has happened on several occasions. I also lost some time during the move process earlier this year. It was just hectic. I also spent several weeks this summer and again this fall in a women's Bible study so there were days when I would be doing a different study than my Bible reading plan. All of these factors meant that as I neared the end of the year I was too far behind on the plan to ever catch up. I was not going to be able to finish reading through the Bible in 2016.
As I thought about it, though, I realized that for probably the first time I was not disappointed in myself. How many times have we made resolutions, failed to maintain them for more than a few weeks, and felt disappointed in ourselves? It can make you feel like a failure. Like you are incapable of discipline. Willpower. Self-control. Whatever it is that you need to accomplish your goals. I think that's probably why so many people don't even bother to make resolutions in the first place. I have felt that way. Which is why I was surprised that I didn't feel disappointed in myself when I looked at my reading plan and saw the unchecked boxes, a visual reminder that I had not completed my goal.
The more I thought about it, I realized that God had been teaching me something this year, and not just through the words on the pages. He was using the process itself. It would have been easy for me at any point to say, "Well, I messed up. I didn't read my Bible today. That resolution is ruined." But I didn't. I kept reading - sometimes doubling up my days to catch up. I could have realized, "There is no way I can finish this plan this year. I'm not going to be able to finish. Why keep going?" But I didn't. I kept reading.
God was teaching me how to show myself some grace.
We are all imperfect people. There is no way we are going to be able to do everything the way we plan. Whatever your resolutions may be, whether it's to read your Bible each day, to lose weight, to give up smoking, to be more patient with your children, whatever it may be you are inevitably going to have days when you fail. Sometimes miserably. When you're too tired to read one day. When you give in to a craving for a cheeseburger or skip your workout to watch TV. When your children push all the right buttons and you find yourself yelling. Again. What matters though is not that you failed. What matters is what you do with that failure. Do you allow it to beat you? To defeat you? Do you throw in the towel and give up? That has been my mentality too many times to count.
There is a quote that I love from the story Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery. In it Ms. Stacy says, "Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it." I love that idea. It's like your own personal New Year, each and every day. You can get up and try again. Yesterday's failings are in the past. How are you going to do this day?
I learned some of this mentality this year without even realizing it. Now when I look at my Bible reading plan I do not see that I am three months behind. I see that this year I have read three-quarters of the Bible. That's amazing! I'm reading books that I have not read regularly and growing in my understanding of the Bible as a complete story. When I have days that I am too tired to read, I show myself some grace and pick up again the next day where I left off. I AM going to finish reading the Bible through this year.
I hope that this can be an encouragement to you. Don't be afraid to set goals for yourself. And don't be afraid to fail. It's going to happen at some point. Resolve ahead of time that you will not let those failures define you. That you'll be prepared for them - and that you will keep moving forward, each new day at a time.
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