One Year Later

One year ago today we had to say goodbye to our sweet dog, Murphy. He had been fighting a cancer of the bone that was slowly destroying his shoulder, leaving him in a lot of pain and unable to run or play freely. It was one of the hardest days that I have ever experienced and not one I expect I will forget.

Losing Murphy was so much harder than I had expected. Don't get me wrong, I knew that I loved my dog. I just didn't even realize how big a part of my life he was. We got Murphy almost eight months after we moved to Murfreesboro. He had been part of our life for six years. It seems like such a short amount of time to mark the entirety of his existence, but those six years were so full of very special memories. He was a constant fixture in our story, a white and black blur that pops up in home videos and pictures and stories that make us smile.

After he was gone I thought my heart was physically breaking within my chest. I remember so many nights I stood in the shower letting the sound of the water mask the sound of my crying. I would walk through the house and instinctively peek out the window looking for him. He belonged out there underneath the pecan tree, barking at some squirrel. I would open the back door and listen for the sound of his toenails on the driveway as he would come around the corner. Sometimes I would swear that I saw him from the corner of my eye. I would pull in the driveway and slow down, looking for that wagging tail to lead me to my spot. Even now I can still feel the curve of his soft head under my hand, see his big goofy tongue lolling about.

 The pain gets easier with time. Moving to Illinois probably helped; I don't expect him to be here. It's hard though, knowing there is this whole new chapter of your life that he isn't a part of. A whole new group of people in your life that didn't have the privilege of knowing your crazy dog. It still hits me from time to time and I find myself crying, but those days are much fewer and farther between. Mostly I smile, when he pops up unexpectedly in some pictures or Josh and I think of some silly story that begins, "Remember that time Murphy... "

So in case you are one of those new people in my life, we used to have a dog. His name was Murphy. He had the softest fur and the best tail wag. It would bend his body almost in half with his excitement. He loved to run, chase squirrels, eat french fries from McDonalds and to have his belly rubbed. He was a rascal. And we loved him as best we knew how.