Happy Memorial Day

In just a few short weeks my Dad will retire from a career in the Navy. During his years of service he has gone on more deployments than I can count anymore. Just a couple of weeks ago my brother-in-law returned from his first deployment. The people that I love have always come home. I am humbled as I take pause today to remember that this is not true for everyone.

I struggled as I thought about whether it is appropriate to say Happy Memorial Day. By its very nature this is a day to remember those we have lost. Losing a loved one is never a happy occasion. Sure, for most of us this is a happy day. It is a day to spend time with our family and friends, a much needed day off from the regular work week. Hamburgers. Hot dogs. Watermelon. Swimming. A happy day.

I found myself wondering whether today is a happy day for those who have lost loved ones in service to their country. Is it even a sad day for them? The truth is that they do not need a day to remember their lost loved ones. They remember each and every day. There are painful reminders everywhere. An empty bed, an empty chair, the silence of a missing laugh. A parent that wonders what their child might have been. A child that grows into the person that their parents always dreamed of, but without a father or mother to see that dream come true. But.. there are beautiful memories as well. Pictures of the lives they lived. Artwork that was saved from childhood days. Baseball trophies. Ballet shoes. Stories retold of the crazy things they did. Happy memories, sad reminders. They never forget.

The rest of us do. Our days and our lives continue on as they always have. We forget about the people who sacrificed their lives for our own. We forget about the families and friends that were left to patch up the hole left in their lives and continue bravely on. I think perhaps today is for us more than them.

This day reminds us that these men and women, they lived. And though we lost them too soon, we are happy that they lived. They aren't just little white crosses and American flags and pictures on a TV screen. They were lives. They dreamed dreams. They loved and were loved. They mattered. They paid the ultimate price, and they paid it for us. They have families that still miss them, families that still hurt. It is to those families that I write. Whoever you are, wherever you are. I know that you remember. Not just the sad, but the happy too. And today, we remember with you.

Happy Birthday to Me

This past Wednesday was my birthday. Unfortunately I am still fighting this virus so it was a pretty uneventful affair. My boys took me out for birthday lunch and ice cream, which was great. I did take the boys to a new park to play in the morning. Washington Park is a huge park with some awesome playground equipment. When we got there it was pretty early so it was very quiet and peaceful - we even saw two deer come out of the woods. There were lots of adults out walking and biking on the path but not many kids. It wasn't long though before a school of kids showed up, apparently on a field trip. They came in swarms. My first instinct was to pack up the boys and run. I do not enjoy crowds as a general rule, and trying to keep track of my two guys in the middle of one is stressful. Clark, however, has some serious Stewart blood in him. He immediately joined in the chaos, jumping in line with the kids and playing with them on the equipment. I love that he has that kind of confidence and loves to be in the middle of things. It is hard for me to understand because it is so counter to how I think and feel, so I am kind of in awe of him. It ended up being a fun morning and we stayed there until lunchtime.

Josh had a meeting that evening so I took the boys and we checked out the Family Video. I remember as a child going with my Mom and Dad on a Friday night to check out a movie at Blockbuster. It used to be a big deal to pick out a movie - especially to run and see if they were out of a new release you were hoping to get. Katie and I rented many a Lovely Lady Locks when we were young, and I am convinced that we were the only two people in the world to watch that show. Whenever I mention it to anyone they look at me like I am nuts. Anyway, I have not seen a movie store like that in business in years. I thought they were all closed, until we got to Springfield. They have Family Video stores everywhere. So we went in and checked it out. It was fun for me to share that experience with the boys. In a fortunate turn of events (in other words, it being my birthday and Lance getting a pink gumball from the machine thanks to a kind stranger) all three of us were able to walk out with a free movie rental.

It has been a survival mode kind of week for our family. Josh has been very busy at work and I have been sick so we are just taking it day by day. Today we did some cleaning because I am so desperate to feel better I will do anything that might help. As it turns out I may have been onto something. I dusted the ceiling fans for the first time and - in the words of Jesse Katsopolis - "Have mercy!"

Another One Bites the Dust

When a two-year-old is sick there are some things they just don't understand. They do not understand that they need to use a tissue, not any available surface, to wipe their nose. They do not understand that they need to cover their mouth rather than coughing right into the face of the person they are closest to. They do not understand that they need to wash their hands.

In other words, it has been raining germs up in this place.

And who does the two-year-old want most when they are sick? Mommy. Mommy hugs and snuggles and rocks and kisses the sick two-year-old. Mommy becomes a human tissue and finds things on her clothes that she would rather not identify. Mommy closes her eyes and feels the sneeze spray across her face. Mommy holds the little hand that has rubbed eyes and nose and mouth. That's what Mommy does because she loves her little two-year-old.

And then Mommy gets sick.

I guess it all works out in the end. Now it doesn't matter if the two-year-old shares his germs. Mommy's already got them in full force. Bring on the snuggles.

Getting to Know You

I feel a little guilty about how much time has passed since I last posted. Time has been passing so quickly and the days are very full. We have made significant progress in unpacking the house. I think we are down to just three or four boxes in the house itself. The garage is a different matter altogether. It is going to be full of boxes for as long as we live here I am afraid. I am pleased to share, however, that I did locate the box with the rest of my clothes. It was at the bottom of a stack of boxes in the back of the garage in the worst possible place for Josh to get to.

I am hoping that this week we will be able to put some pictures up on the walls. I think it will make everything feel homey. We are going to have to get a rug though. We have beautiful hardwood floors but we are slipping and sliding all over the place! And top of the list right now are curtains for the boys' rooms. Lance has been getting up before six o'clock because his room is so bright. It is wearing us out.

The boys and I have started to venture out and explore Springfield as the weather has permitted. There have been a few beautiful days where we have found some great new playgrounds. We also got our new library cards. The Springfield library is actually downtown so finding it - rather, finding a place to park - was an adventure. And by adventure I mean I drove around in circles four times before finding a place to park and later learned that there is a parking garage under the library. I'm hoping the fact that I have North Carolina tags and am driving a van means people will have pity on me. The library is very big - three stories - and the boys insist on going up the stairs to check out every floor even though the kids' section is on the first.

Josh preached his first Sunday at Western Oaks and I thought he did wonderfully - although I am a bit biased. I love worshipping with our new church family and look forward to getting to know everyone better as time goes on.

For now, please keep Lance in your prayers. He has been battling some kind of bug this week. I thought we had it beat but today he has been cruddy again. Everything feels wrong when my little busy boy is not himself.

One Week

It is hard for me to believe that it was only one week ago tonight that we left Murfreesboro. How can so much happen in such a short amount of time? Let me catch you up on how everything has gone...

The drive from North Carolina to Illinois is long. I mean really long. The boys really did well all things considered. By the end of it even I was ready to be out of the car. The hotel we stayed in on the way up had a pool. We arrived at around 9:40 and the pool closed at 10:00. You'd better believe that those boys swam for twenty minutes before we all went to bed and then again in the morning before we got on the road. West Virginia was absolutely beautiful in the mountains. It made me excited for when I will be able to visit my parents' little cabin in the woods (mountains) once it is finished later this year.

We had not actually seen the house we are renting before we arrived so getting here was fun. Members of  Western Oaks had stocked up on some essentials for us before we got here which was so thoughtful - the boys were thrilled to find popsicles waiting in the freezer!The more time I spend in it this house the more I like it. We arrived on Wednesday evening and the movers came on Friday. We have pretty much been unpacking ever since. I started straight away with the boys' bedrooms so that they would feel settled and hopefully enjoy playing with all of their toys while we work on the rest of the house. We ate our first home cooked dinner tonight and that really helped make us feel at home. We have unpacked most of the essential boxes and are down to the "What could possibly be in this box? Oh yeah... Now where am I supposed to put that??" boxes. This is the part that I dread. The garage is full and we won't be putting any cars in there any time soon. I am currently trying to locate a box with our bathroom towels and the box with half of my clothes. It's slim pickings in my closet right now.

We did have a chance to go to Western Oaks on Sunday for worship. It was great to see everyone again, to thank them for all of the kindness they have shown us through this transition and of course to introduce Clark and Lance to them. Josh won't start preaching until next week and I am excited to see him step up and lead our new church.

The thing I am probably most grateful for is the way our new friends have welcomed and included us. Moving can be a very lonely experience. Suddenly you do not know anyone and you do not have any plans with anyone to do anything. Since we got here people have opened their doors to us for dinner, swimming, playing games... It has done so much in helping us feel like we belong here in Springfield and I cannot even express how much it has meant to me.

I would be lying if I said I had not felt a little homesick. You know the feeling when you've been on vacation and you just want to get home? It's kind of like that. Continuing to unpack and get our things settled helps, but if I stop to think too much about all of the people we left behind it does make me a little sad. You're all still very much a part of our lives. We think about you, pray for you... Even the boys talk about you still. 
Even though you're out of sight you're definitely not out of mind!

It's Not Goodbye

It seems like I have had to say goodbye quite a bit in my life. It is part of the job for a military family. We've said goodbye to family, we've said goodbye to friends. However yesterday we said goodbye to our church family at Meherrin and I have come to the conclusion that saying goodbye to a church where you have pastored is its own special kind of goodbye.

Josh and I have spent the last seven years getting to know these people in a unique way. We have learned together. We have grown together. We have held their hands as they battled disease, stood in silent support as they said goodbye to loved ones. We have prayed for them through relationship struggles, through financial struggles, through illness, through lostness. We have eaten with them. We have laughed with them. We have cried with them. We have loved them.

And none of that has changed.

That's the precious heartache of the situation we are in. We are not leaving Meherrin because we are unhappy here. We are not leaving because we no longer love the people here. We are leaving because God has called us elsewhere, and we want to be obedient to that call. We know that if God has called us to be elsewhere, then He has something else planned for Meherrin. And we would never want to stand in the way of that.

So we say goodbye to this precious church family. A church family that has loved us as much as we have loved them. People who do not want to see us go, but will still pray us through the process. People who do not want us to leave but will bring boxes to help us move and gift cards so we will be fed on the journey and snacks for our boys to take in the car. I hug their necks and the memories are so strong it takes my breath away.

I know that I will not see many of these people again this side of eternity. But oh the goodness of God's grace, that I know with confidence one day we will see each other again in the presence of our Savior. It gives my heart such peace in this time. So I guess it's like so many have said. It's not goodbye. It's see you later.